Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas letter

That this was/to me now/it’s a nightmare/with Asian women/who go off/girlfriends of white men/central standard time/in a message dated 12/24/2008/away for a/ER, I stayed/him to the/had achieved getting/after we had/choice this time/didn’t have a/realize now, he/a dying man,/program or when/would know which/that no one/treatment/Friday a.m./a ballet on/“maternity!” it was/VT “power of”/the friend in/I misspoke to/“attorn-ety,”/going to smell/the doorman is/I said, “T.,”/to buy vodka/using his walker/covered in piss/in shell-shocked/I was coming/about T. since/suggested I write/my writing group/someone in/half-written papers there/go through my/it out and/I could wait/half a year/would recommend for/left the apartment/morning T. had/into treatment one/get him back/had been to/the emphasis/I thought he’d/T. by Wednesday,/the room with/I was in/on, and since/this was going/while/a few things/tell you/for wives and/group in NY/there’s a support/whore I said/for a Korean/me to send/asked/while wheeling dealing/down the hall/in the office/I was smoking/that, for example,/going on,/to you. D./Simple Merry Christmas/can keep it/the energy? You/have

But this a.m. I’ll/privacy, and it does/it, bec. it invades/said I wouldn’t do/his “health” and I/vodka all year, but/I hadn’t bought him/to go to treatment/until T. could agree/prevent seizures

Caught a cold from the damp futon and couldn’t get up -- I said he needs a hospital and they had

The week before he went in the ambulance:

Thought I meant two days detox somewhere and then ship him to a treatment place. T. was on

Unbelievably, C.F. sent me an email for the first time since 1999, when we broke.

With her?) -- and I was feeling it. He was pissed at the squash coach for calling and he’d go to

Haircut that turned out looking like Ben Franklin’s hair, and now it was dirty and matted. His friend,

That I wait until he wakes up before I sign a lease in St. Paul. If he’s in treatment as the experts

Was wandering the street waiting for liquor stores to open in the snow; the doctor called for the

I had bought him beer to get off vodka. Another friend in VT was checking into programs for him

Where T. at one point had told me to get a place -- his grandfather’s territory. My sister advised

I don’t blame him for these details. I just want him to become well again. That’s it.

To pneumonia from/an infection due/surgery they removed/much about the/I didn’t know, D./ in St. Paul/looking at apartments/MN, so I’m/my hands in/sit here on/very hard to/a novel it's/it’s /walk etc. I/he could barely/a seizure though/within hours after/they’d released him/in the past,/him, et al./we all love/her words, reassurances/or take in/recognize her yet/ attorney/has power of/his in CA/a friend of/on our cels/separate treatment programs/him at home/could care for/do that someone/as they usually/ER would think/one in the/do so no

We stripped him he/paramedics got there and/the maid arrived the/ambulance his sister called/their treatment place, maybe/to go back to/years ago he wanted/in treatment a few/w/ and met

A.Q. just visited T. in the ICU, and his eyes were open, but he didn’t seem to

The futon talking to his other girlfriends -- C. and S. (the alcoholic, violent one he’d lived

Thanks, A -- I had just called, too. Can you tell me something about the surgery, whenever you

You, “don’t you want to change your pants?” And he said, “I smell fine.” I had given him a home

Happy holy days, she wrote.

His lungs. One lung is working less well than the other.

The Yale squash coach, was calling every few hours and literally coaching me to buy him vodka to

Learned on Sat. a.m. that he had pneumonia and was having the surgery.


Jeff said...

This is very powerful stuff. Is it called "personal letter?" I am having a real hard time trying to come to terms with treating it as fiction or as an angle on something that 'actually' happened.

Why is this? the need for tact, if it is 'actual'.

Tough stuff.

Dibakar Sarkar said...

Just fabulous!

Dibakar Sarkar said...

I cordially invite you to my blog...